The Trumpster

I find every moment of Donald Trump's The Apprentice USA spine chillingly awful yet I love it, here are some cracking exchanges from a recent episode (and never forget how special the Trumpster's hair is).

DT: It can be the most special park in New York (the one he's donating - "it will be one of the most spectacular in the country")
George: How are you going to get rid of the slope?
DT: There is a lot of slope but we have a lot of good tractors

"INSPIRE"
DT: You have to make your staff respect you.
DT to lawyer J: Come on lets do it, do it. You guaranteed me victory, did you guarantee me victory? You never quit, you never quit.
Bring Jennifer in.
People like working for Trump because I make it fun. That is Miss Universe (Jennifer).
I make life interesting. Where else do you get a good time like with Trump. Trump is Trump, what can I tell you?

Male team huddle (yet another), hands together and they shout Excel (their team name). This is truly fucking awful TV.

Jen W: I made the cake, it says Techno Expo on it (Techno is actually spelt Tethno - amazing)

Jen M: Showing a heart rate monitor to old men at the retirement village.
If we win because we're women and they're old men then that's fine I'll take it (she then proceeds to do fairly racy press ups in her gym kit for an old boy).

Jen W: Having sworn; I don't even like to cuss (rolls back and cries for soap for her mouth).

The male team as their reward go to the children's hospital and crassly hand out numerous X-boxes, forget you're dying child; Donald has made a donation (this is set to terrible music and statements such as what's great about this team is we connected with these children just as well as we did with those old people)

Jen W: How can 7 such brilliant women be so wrong?

THE BOARDROOM

Toral: I have impressive work experience. We think thoughts before speaking (she really doesn't).

George: The men had cookies and cheese, they had great cookies (thanks George, that's the great business mind that has helped make Donald rich).

George: You're way off base
Rebecca: She went to the same school as Donald, George
DT: Don't say that George. Toral has to be smart, she went to a school where truly the smartest people in the country go.
The rest are going up to this magnificent suite in Trump Tower (of course it's magnificent). Enjoy the view Toral.

George: Where's the flexibility?
DT: She has no flexibility George (said sagely).

Jen W: My Grandma loved cake, that's why I chose it (this emotional play won't wash with the Trumpster).

DT: (shaking his head in bewilderment) This girl is either gonna be great or a disaster.
George: Time will tell (is there any end to this old boy's incisive analysis?).

On reflection I haven't really done the cringing awfulness of this series justice; get on iPlayer and see how bad it is for yourself but don't be afraid to enjoy it like I do too. Oh and look how dreadful Trump's female assistant is and how awful the decor is.

Right I'm gonna have to watch another episode now.